Percy Jackson and the Missing Guard Dog
by general zargon
Summary: Cerberus is sick and tired of standing around all day, so he decides to do something about it. From Cerberus's point of view. Rated T for language and slightly graphic scenes later on.
1. Prologue

Guarding the gates to Hades wasn't nearly as exciting as some people thought, as the only thing that you had to do was stand around, look intimidating, occasionally eat upstart heroes, and make sure no souls tried to cut in line.

Cerberus had been the guard dog of Hades as long as any of his heads could remember, and considering how old he was, that was a really long time, but he had been content with his job. He got to eat any heroes (with several notable exceptions) who came along trying to rescue people from the Underworld, and he got to terrify any souls who could actually see him. He did get tired of always standing, however, but there wasn't much he could do about that.

The years sort of ran together after a while, with occasional breaks in the monotony caused by heroes who managed to get past him, and all three of his heads got irritated at how boring it all was. Still, he hadn't really thought much about actually _doing_ something…or at least, he hadn't until those two young demigods and one satyr visited the Underworld. All three of his heads had been all set to eat the one who had tried to get him to run after a _stick_, of all things, but the female demigod had gotten his attention.

Being a dog, albeit a three-headed, highly intelligent monster dog, he had a natural love of round things, and the red rubber ball the girl demigod had given him was an incredibly fun toy, even if it didn't last very long. He had been more than happy to do what the girl said, even sit, as long as she had played with him. None of his heads could remember the last time anyone had stopped and played with him, if anyone had ever done that, and he had enjoyed it. He had been sad when the girl had left, even though she promised to see him soon and bring more red rubber balls. He hadn't held his breath, as very few people ever made it out of the Underworld, be they alive or dead, but he had sensed the two demigods and the one satyr leaving, and he had sensed Lord Hades's anger, so all of his heads were relieved and happy that the girl had escaped safely.

He couldn't really bring himself to care one way or the other about the boy demigod and the satyr.

After that, Cerberus had been struck by how lonely his job actually was, especially since he hardly ever _did_ anything. None of the souls who routinely walked under him or around him were able to understand him, although that didn't really matter much, since most of them couldn't see him and those that could tended to start screaming.

Hey, it wasn't his fault that most of his words sounded like snarls or barks. They just came out that way.

The spirits of dead demigods tended to either cower from him or ignore him, nothing in between, except for that rather memorable incident with Hercules.

He had only left the Underworld once, _once_, since taking the job of Guardian of the Gates of Hades, and that had been to take care of a hellhound named Mrs. O'Leary. All three of his heads thought that that was a rather unusual name for a hellhound, but he didn't dwell on it.

The glimpses he'd had of the world above, he did dwell on. He remembered vividly the sights and smells, so very different from the Underworld, and yet so exciting. He hadn't had the chance to really see much, as the gods had been at war with the forces of the Lord of Titans, Kronos the Lord of Time. He had wanted to join in the battle, but he had had his orders, and he had followed them, no matter how much he had wanted to disobey. He recalled the smell of blood, belonging to demigod, monster, and god alike, and all three of his heads had longed to tear into the flesh of the monsters that had sided with Kronos, yet he had stayed where he had been ordered to and waited until the battle had finished before returning to his post in the Underworld.

Now Cerberus itched to go to the world above and take in all the sights, sounds, and smells that he had missed. The urge had started as a niggling little thought in the back of his minds, until finally he could ignore it no longer and the urge turned into a plan that gradually took shape. It took some time, about four years in the world above, and he had gradually grew more and more annoyed at the monotony of his job, and angrier and angrier at Lord Hades, but now he had a plan not only to escape to the world of humans but to make his boss squirm as well.

All three of his heads grinned savagely, his plan finally fully formed and ready to be implemented. Now all he had to do was wait for just the right moment…

And then he made his move.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I figured that this was as good a place as any to end the first chapter. I also feel it should be noted that I haven't yet read _The Last Olympian_. I'm actually surprised that no one has had an idea like this, but I'm happy that I'm the one who thought of it.

Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter.


	2. The Great Escape and the GrayHound Bus

It was nighttime when Cerberus emerged from the entrance to the Underworld that Orpheus had used, and a thick fog covered Los Angeles Central Park, decreasing visibility even more. The moon was dark, making it even harder to see, regardless of the myriad of lights randomly lit around the city. However, he had thankfully emerged in a place where there weren't any streetlamps, which meant that he wouldn't have to deal with any mortals.

The three-headed dog blinked several times, carefully taking his first few steps forward as the entrance to the Underworld closed behind him. As his eyes became accustomed to the very different light of the mortal world, all three of his heads sniffed the air cautiously, not wanting to run into another monster so soon after making his escape.

Once assured that there were no monsters in his immediate vicinity, Cerberus took a few more steps as all of his heads began looking around excitedly, taking in his surroundings and absorbing the sights, sounds, and smells of the unfamiliar place. The trees around him were a bit worrying, as that meant that there might be several dryads watching him, but a few quick sniffs of the air assured him that there weren't any wood spirits near him.

Cerberus growled happily as he began walking, wanting to get further away from the entrance to the Underworld before he stopped to enjoy his new-found freedom. As he approached the stone pathway, one of many scattered throughout the park, he noticed a mortal dressed in rags sleeping on a wooden bench, and he decided that perhaps he should put on his disguise. No use taking chances, not when he was so close to really getting to explore the world of humans.

He concentrated hard, working with the Mist, the thing that kept humans from seeing gods, monsters, and other supernatural things, until he felt the change and his body shrank quickly. He blinked his new single pair of eyes, finding it very strange and slightly disturbing that he was now a lot smaller than he had been a minute before, and that he now only had one head. That in particular felt strange, as he was aware he still had three heads, but in his new body he only had one, his center head.

The now one-headed dog tried to get used to it as he shifted his grip carefully on the item in his mouth, growling softly in amusement as he was abruptly reminded that he had _it_.

_It_, in this case, being what looked like a black ski-mask, the kind burglars used.

Cerberus resisted the urge to chew on it, and instead began trotting down the pathway that wound through the park, knowing that if he followed it he was bound to get somewhere, preferably somewhere far away from the entrance to the Underworld. He really didn't want to be around when Lord Hades discovered that both he and the black ski-mask were missing.

The dog made what sounded very much like a snicker to those who might be listening, but fortunately no one was around to hear him.

He didn't know exactly what he looked like, but he made a mental note to find a mirror or puddle of water as soon as possible so that he could find out. It paid to know what humans would see him as. For now, though, he happily trotted along the path, content to look around and take in the scenery, even though the fog somewhat obscured it.

Cerberus wasn't all that bother by the fact that he now had to trot to cross a distance that he could usually cross in a single step. The change in size just meant that what he'd done had worked, and it made things much more interesting.

The dog was pulled from his thoughts when he came up to the park gate, and he eyed the stone and metal archway before walking through it, pausing on the sidewalk outside to look around at the change in scenery.

In a startling change from the greenery of the park, immediately outside the park manmade things appeared, such as parked cars, streetlights, and buildings made of glass, stone, and metal. The stone walkway of the park immediately changed to concrete sidewalks and tarmac streets. The evenly placed streetlamps and the glow from the lights inside of the buildings where humans were still awake created an eerie atmosphere when combined with dense fog. There were buildings right across the street that caught his attention, mostly because of the smell of food coming from them, instead of the 'antique' look that the building was sporting, something that was becoming increasingly rare in Los Angeles.

Cerberus shook his head firmly, trying to ignore the smell of food and instead turned and began walking down the sidewalk, determined to get as far away from the Underworld as possible, and as he walked he tried to think of a way to get out of the city that didn't involve taking the bus, since buses didn't usually allow animal passengers who weren't pets, which really put a limit on his options, as he had no inclination to _walk_ the entire way to wherever it was he was planning on going, wherever that was.

He was beginning to think that he should have thought about where he wanted to go before he made his escape. Ah well, too late now, so he guessed he would just have to go with the flow and hope he didn't get sighted by any monsters that would then go and report to Lord Hades. He made an urgent mental note to avoid any hint of the furies since they, evil old bitches that they were, would immediately go back to Hades and tell the Lord of the Dead where he was.

For some strange reason he'd always had an intense hatred of the Kindly Ones. He figured that it was most likely because they were brown-nosers to the extreme, though he couldn't really bring himself to think on it too much. He merely accepted the fact that he wanted to use them for chew toys.

Hey, there were three furies, and he had three heads. It worked out for everyone except the furies, which was fine by him.

Cerberus shook his head to dismiss those thoughts, the ski-mask in his mouth flopping around a bit, and instead concentrated on where he was going, as he didn't want to get run over. That would majorly suck, since even though it wouldn't really hurt him, it would put a damper on his best day. And today was shaping up to be one of the best days he'd had in a while.

He paused at the corner and looked left and right before crossing the road, even though the streets were practically deserted, something almost unheard of for Los Angeles. Still, he was grateful he wouldn't have to deal with the loud sounds and the large crowds on his first day there. He sniffed around a bit, taking note of the sights, smells, and sounds, before he continued on his way, quickly crossing the street and taking a few alley short cuts to avoid a Monster Donut Shop.

There was a reason it was called 'Monster' Donut after all, and he didn't want to be recognized so soon into his escape. He mentally cursed that particular store chain, since a surprising amount of monsters liked donuts. Who knew?

The camouflaged guardian of the underworld smiled a doggy smile, which basically meant showing most of his teeth, as he successfully avoided the junk food store and continued on down the open street, where people were gradually beginning to venture out.

To be honest, Cerberus was surprised the streets had been deserted for so long, but at least he had had a chance to get his bearings before the mortals started leaving the buildings. Still, he wasn't planning on staying in Los Angeles, because that would be like putting a bright neon sign over his head pointing down towards him saying 'Here I am!'

So, as he didn't want to get caught and shipped back to Hades by some enterprising monster looking to get ahead in the hierarchy, he decided that he had to find a way out of the city. Preferably very quickly, as it wouldn't take the Lord of the Underworld very long to realize that both he and the ski-mask were missing.

Yep, Cerberus had to get out of Los Angeles _very_ quickly.

The one-headed-but-not-really dog looked around, trying to find some form of transportation out of the city that didn't involve him walking all the way to wherever it was that he was going. He spotted several cars, but those were useless, seeing as he couldn't drive and he was willing to bet that the owners of said cars weren't going to just up and let a strange dog into their vehicles.

Ah well, he knew that things weren't going to be easy when he made his escape, and as the humans said, anything worth doing was worth doing well.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts and stopped next to a store front advertising Nike shoes, and he just bet that the goddess of victory was preening like crazy about having a brand of shoes named after her, and thought about his options, which were actually sorely limited.

Obviously sneaking aboard a plane was out, since he didn't want to get dispelled, and so was taking a boat, since he didn't want to chance Poseidon sensing something amiss, which meant that his only option left was to travel by land, which narrowed things down quite a bit. He noticed a bus stop right across the street from him, with a gray-hound bus (the irony wasn't lost on him, either) already stopped there and loading a large group of passengers, most of them carrying luggage, and he began to get an idea about how he was going to get from point A to point B without getting dispelled by either Zeus or Poseidon.

He looked around cautiously before making a break for the other side of the road, his paws carrying him swiftly over the pavement, and he seamlessly melted into the crowd, manipulating the Mist to make the passengers of the bus think that there was no way a dog carrying a ski-mask in his mouth could be boarding with them.

Once aboard the large vehicle, he looked around and quickly slid beneath a pair of seats on the second-to-last row. He grimaced in distaste, his lips peeling away from his teeth, at how filthy the floor beneath the seats was, but he supposed that beggars couldn't be choosers. Thinking of which, he had yet to find out what his camouflaged form looked like, so he made a mental note to find a mirror or other reflective surface at the earliest opportunity.

Just then, the bus began moving, and Cerberus made himself as unnoticeable as possible and prepared himself for a long ride as he spotted a bus schedule (dated that day, oddly enough) under the seat with him, and he decided that now would be a good time for a little nap, since it was looking like he'd be in for a very, very long ride, just like he'd wanted.

He yawned as quietly as he could, making sure to keep a firm hold of the ski-mask in his mouth, and then laid his head down on his front paws, quickly drifting off into a light doze, despite the noise of the bus and its' passengers around him.

_Seven Hours Later…_

Cerberus was jerked awake as the bus ground to a shuddering halt, startling him out of his surprisingly deep slumber, and he perked up as he heard, and saw, the last of the original passengers disembark, and a few new passengers get on.

He perked up and slid out of his hiding place, quickly manipulating the Mist so that no one noticed him, or if they did, just thought they were hallucinating, since there was no way a dog with a ski-mask in his mouth had just emerged from under that seat. He hurriedly jumped out of the bus, barely avoiding getting his tail caught in the door, and turned to watch the bus pull away from the curb.

After the bus faded from his sight, he turned around and began trying to figure out where he was, and hoping that he hadn't gotten off the bus too soon. He was actually a bit surprised as he took in his surroundings and realized that he was in a modern, air conditioned bus terminal.

Huh, well at least he wouldn't be stuck baking in the heat while he tried to figure out his next move.

However, first things first, he thought, and went to find a mirror or something. And, after about ten minutes of searching, he settled for looking at his reflection in a highly-polished trashcan. Why anyone would bother polishing a trashcan was beyond his understanding, but it was sure convenient.

Cerberus eyed his reflection critically, slightly relieved that he hadn't wound up a poodle or something equally as humiliating.

No, instead he was a large black Doberman, a purebred by the looks of it, with dark brown eyes and a black ski-mask common for burglars to use held in his mouth. All in all, Cerberus figured that he could have wound up as something much, much worse.

He grinned, holding onto the mask in his mouth firmly, before he turned and trotted away from the polished garbage can, determined to find out where he was and if he needed to find another bus to stow away on.

He hoped not, because that one bus had stunk to Olympus.

The guardian of Hades sniffed around, detecting the usual scent of humanity, with a tiny amount of satyr mixed in, but he supposed that that was to be expected. Surprisingly, he smelled a startling amount of nature, and he was wondering about that when he spotted a map on one of the walls of the bus station, and he went over to it, curious about where he'd ended up.

_Welcome to Green Ridge, California_ the top of the map proclaimed, and Cerberus saw that the place apparently lived up to its' name, as it was surrounded by dense forest with only a few communal roads leading in and out of the city, along with a surplus of city parks. While he was sure that satyrs loved the place, since it looked pretty wild, that did create problems for him, since that meant he had to avoid the woodland spirits in addition to the searchers from the Underworld.

He continued looking at the map and saw that the bus station he was currently sitting in was on the edge of town. He also saw that there was a fairly large lake in the middle of the forest on the north side of town. He read the script on either side of the map and found out that Green Ridge was apparently well-known for it's' nature hikes, fishing, and rock climbing, along with cave tours.

Just perfect, now he had to worry about the searchers from the Underworld, wood nymphs, _and_ naiads.

Still, Cerberus had to admit that Green Ridge didn't seem like that bad a place. Maybe he could hang out there for a bit, maybe find a mortal family to live with for a while. He decided to take a look around town before deciding, since according to the bus schedule, the one he'd come in on was the last bus for the day.

He'd be lying if he said that he was disappointed. Under the seats had been a _very_ tight fit.

Nodding to himself, he turned and trotted out of the bus station, heading towards where the map said the market was, since he was getting hungry and he hoped that some grocer would spare some lunchmeat for a stray dog.

**Author's Note:** Hey all, I have to mention that I have never been to Los Angeles, so for this reason I tried not to describe anything specific, and if I had to, I made something up. Apologies if this offends anyone from there or anyone who has been there at any point in time. Yes, I realize I might have gotten a lot of things wrong, so please don't point out every error I made. As far as I know, I also made up Green Ridge, California. If there is such a place and if I completely changed things in it, I apologize but I'm not changing it.

Please excuse the mini-rant above.

To DiamondDragonFang: Thank you very much for the reviews, and I'm glad that you like the story!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and remember that reviews make the world go round!


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